Daily

My friends J&A have a photo blog called "Not As Daily." Tonight I was reflecting on things that feel very daily and things that feel not so daily. I like the not so daily things much better. Here's my thoughts on the differences:

Things that feel very daily:
-washing my face and flossing my teeth
-saying no and finding a fun distraction when W asks to watch Elmo again(actually that's more like 23 times daily)
-trying to think of healthy things to serve for meals that all of us would like to eat
-hunting for W's fuzzy (his blanket that he can't do without and often leaves in remote corners of the house)
-figuring out what W and I (and sometimes hubby) should wear

Things that feel not so daily:
-being underbudget on my Wal-Mart bill
-hearing a client say, "You know, something we talked about last week really made me think differently about..."
-catching up with old friends when it feels like no time has passed at all since we've seen each other last
-watching the reflections of the round, gold communion trays dance on the vaulted ceilings of our church during a warm and glowing Christmas eve service
-watching W imitate us by pretending to drink juice from our empty plastic communion cups knowing that in some way he is already participating in worshiping Jesus
-having trouble sleeping on Christmas Eve even after all these years

Merry Christmas and blessings in your New Year!

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W-isms

Just thought I'd share a couple W stories that have made us chuckle the past couple days. Stacy brought home the cartoon version of Narnia and although W didn't seem all that interested he must have been particularly impressed with the scene where Aslan goes around breathing life into the characters turned into stone by the witch. We saw him yesterday going around to a bunch of inanimate objects in our house putting his mouth close to them and making a growling/breathing noise on them. How disappointing it must have been to him that the refrigerator did not in fact come to life!
We've also been working on prepping him for the baby coming next month. We'll talk about the baby, pretend with a play baby and read stories about being a big brother. Then today at breakfast hubby asked him, "W, do you want a baby brother or a baby sister?" He paused, said, "hmmm..." Then he pointed to our dog and said, "I want doggy!" Uh oh. He could be in for quite a surprise.

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Little White Hook

We live in a small house. It is tight, it is often cramped and there are some days that I think I will tear my hair out having to look at our full to the brim closets. But it is also very cozy, very warm and I love it. We renovated the house when we moved in so the flooring, paint, cabinets, hardware, etc. is all stuff I got to pick out. It has become home in a way that makes me feel safe, comfortable and I know I will grieve when and if we do move into a bigger house someday.
For example, the bathroom. There is only one and it is not much bigger than a postage stamp. I can reach all four walls while sitting on the toilet. Hubby installed something today that seems insignificant and most people would never notice: a tiny white plastic towel hook on the back of our already white bathroom door. It blends in so well you'd think it's been there for years. But as I brushed my teeth tonight before bed, it caught my eye and suddenly that bathroom felt smaller than ever before.
You see, the reason we installed that hook is because we only had three spots to hang bath towels before. Two towel rods that he and I hang our towels on, and another hook to hang W's towel on. We've been saying for months now that with this new baby coming we need to install another hook for baby's towel and today for whatever reason he actually remembered to pick one up at Wal-Mart and put it up.
It's not like this is the first preparation we've made for the baby. We've been cleaning and prepping and washing and unpacking baby things for some time now. But hanging that permanent little hook on our door today made all this seem so...permanent. I can't help but take a deep breath when I think about the reality of all this. I can't help but question, "How will I handle having to divide my time between two children and a husband all with very specific needs?, How will W adapt and adjust to not being the main and only attraction anymore?, How will I adapt again to sleeping in three hour increments?, How will I get a shower every day?" If I let myself think too long about it suddenly that little white hook becomes quite intimidating.
But tonight that little white hook brought a smile to my face and a giddy-ness to my heart that can only be described as the anticipation a child has the night before Christmas morning. I know realistically that the adjustment won't always be as fun as getting to open that huge shiny present under the tree just for you. I know some days I won't get to shower. But I feel certain that the first time I hang this baby's towel on that little white hook I will be reminded of God's faithfulness, His grace and His blessing in allowing us the pleasure of needing one extra hook.

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Human Tetris

Saw this on Ellen the other day and thought it was so funny I had to share...

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Halloween

We had such a fun time this Halloween. I feel slightly guilty that I was so excited for a pagan holiday but it was just so fun to teach W about costumes and trick-or-treating and pumpkins and candy...plus it means Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner! We were at Wal-Mart over a month ago and thought we'd check out the costumes. The first aisle we went down, the first costume we saw was Elmo and when W pointed to it beaming shouting, "ELMO!" I knew it was coming home with us. But alas, when we got home he would have nothing to do with putting it on his body. He'd hug it, he'd kiss it, he'd carry it around with him but never, never would he allow us to put it on him. We had a couple brief moments over the course of the month when we'd get it over his head for about two minutes but just as soon as he put it on he'd want us to take it off him. So I had serious doubts about whether he would really be Elmo for Halloween or whether he would be a toddler dressed in red carrying an Elmo costume.
The night of Halloween I thought maybe if he saw us handing out candy at the door to kids wearing costumes he'd get the idea but even that did not have an effect on his stubborn will. Finally in desperation and in my sweetest sing-song voice I said, "W, if you put Elmo on I'll give you some yum-yum's!" (his word for m&m's) I couldn't believe how quickly he dove into that costume! Seriously, that's all it took? Why didn't I try that an hour ago? Anyway, we thought we'd test the waters by taking him across the street to our neighbor's house before driving all over Lincoln to show him off. I armed him with his little pumpkin pail that we had been using to hand out candy to the trick-or-treaters who came to visit us and he journeyed off with Daddy to learn the wonders of getting free candy. They were over there for quite a while so I began wondering what the hold up was. When they came back, hubby told me that when our neighbors held out their candy bowl, W tried putting his candy from his pail into their bowl! It didn't take him long to figure out how trick-or-treating is supposed to work though because by the time we got to the next house he was eagerly grabbing as much as his little hands would hold. We went to four or five more houses that night and I couldn't believe he left that costume on the whole night. What wonders candy can work!

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Giant Leap

We're finally doing it. We're disconnecting our landline and going wireless with our cell phones. I know for most of the world this has been an easy choice but for some reason it feels like I'm doing something totally unconventional and "out there." It actually works out to be about five bucks cheaper per month for us to do this and since we've been talking about it for a couple years now we've decided it only makes sense that with the renewal of our cell phone service contract we'll ditch the home phone.
But apparently I have a difficult time adjusting to technological change in the communication world because it has kind of been stressing me out lately! I've always lived with a landline. Growing up I think it was a harvest gold rotary phone hanging on our kitchen wall. Then came push button phones (still corded) and when I got to college I finally sprung for a cordless phone. It's just that the tiny cord running from my phone base into the wall makes me feel safe and secure. It makes me feel as though if I needed it, an ambulence could only get to my house because I have that tiny cord running into the wall. Obviously I can rationalize these silly fears away. But these nagging fears might be plaguing me for quite some time.

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Pachelbel Bedtime

Just too close to reality!

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Things I learned

I have finally had enough time to breathe and relax after my Conference a couple weeks ago and thought I would share some of the lessons I absorbed:

-Love is a condition of the heart. We hear so much that love is an action and that we need to try to love others. H.B. London challenged me to go beyond trying and allow God to change my heart to be so full of His love that loving becomes a natural extension of what I do. Even to those prickly people that are hard to love.

-Know your moment of death story but also know your resurrection story. Dan Allender said that most everyone has a moment of death in life. It is the moment at which you've lost all hope and struggle to come to grips with the reason for living. It is that moment in our lives that gets us interested in counseling, ministry, etc. It is that moment that helps us identify with our clients. But it is our moment of resurrection that keeps us in counseling. It is the moment you surrender to Jesus and experience new life and true hope that provides hope for your clients and strength to continue on the journey. Although being able to identify with your clients in their moment of death is important, you must help them experience their moment of resurrection for true healing to occur.

-Our culture stinks at allowing people to lament after a loss. The accepted grieving period in other religions and cultures can last for years but in our churches we are extremely uncomfortable with that. "Shouldn't they be moving on by now?" We want to see people back up on their feet with smiling faces after a few months because we don't know how to deal with grief, anger, and despair. True healing comes when one feels totally free to lament as long as they need.

-Everyone receives apologies differently. Most people are familiar with Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages but at this conference he outlined his new book about the five languages of apology. I don't remember what they all were but I know for myself, while it's nice to hear the words "I'm sorry," what I really want to hear is regret and true remorse for how I've been hurt. When I hear something like, "I know how much I must have hurt you..." I melt pretty quickly and forgiveness isn't too far away.

-It's unfair what we do to children in our world. From child prostitution/slavery to sexual abuse to expecting them to understand and respond appropriately to their parent's divorce. I can't imagine how much God grieves everyday over what these innocents are exposed to. I attended a workshop that got me more interested in trying a little play therapy with some of my clients. Gary Landreth says children under age 12 can't express their thoughts and feelings verbally so they express it through their play. Part of me is terrified to even consider handling these fragile little lives but part of me can't think of any better way to show love to children whose innocence has been shattered.

Anyway, just some thoughts...

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Facebook

Well, I'm totally hooked. I've been hearing about social networking sites like Myspace and Facebook for a couple years now but just was never really interested in signing up. Curious but not interested. My curiosity finally overcame me and now I'm totally addicted. It's fascinating to me what a simple concept can do to revolutionize the world of internet relationships. And yet somehow also a little scary that cyber-level relationships are fast replacing personal-real-heart-to-heart-level relationships.
I wonder how many friends Jesus would have on His Facebook account...
Anyway, look me up if you're signed up with Facebook.

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AACC

I had the privilege of attending the American Association of Christian Counselors Conference in Nashville, TN this past week. Everything was held at the Opryland hotel which was just magnificent! Some of the speakers included John Ortberg, Max Lucado, John Eldredge, Larry Crabb, Dallas Willard. The musicians were Natalie Grant, Avalon, Michael Card and Steve Green. It was pretty stacked. I'm totally saturated with information and feel like my brain has been functioning on high ever since I got home! I don't even know yet how to describe my experience so I won't even attempt it.

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Surrender

My amazing friend A sent me this clip that I wanted to share with you all. I must admit I was skeptical at first because of all the cheesy dramas I've seen but I got hooked about halfway through. What a perfect picture of how difficult it can be for us to surrender our past to Jesus and allow Him to free us from our vices. Check it out.

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

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Things I wonder about...

We were privileged enough last summer to get to fly out to Colorado with some friends in order to be a part of a friend's wedding. We flew in to Denver's airport and then rented a car to travel the roughly four hours south to where the wedding would be. The trip ended up just being hubby, me, W, and two of hubby's closest guy friends. I rode in the back with W most of the time and on the way back up to Denver after the wedding I made an observation that got me giggling. Guys have a way of wondering. They wonder silently, they wonder aloud, but apparently they really wonder while riding four hours in a car. They wonder about the landscape, they wonder about various machinery along the road, they wonder about business signs and vacant buildings. I can't tell you how many times I heard this phrase, "I wonder how that got there" or "I wonder why that ended up like that."
I pointed this observation out to them and they were shocked to hear that I just don't wonder! Maybe it's a female thing but when I ride in a car I don't wonder about the things I see. (Yes I think, plan and sometimes worry, but it's not wondering like they do) So ever since that conversation I've been paying attention to whether or not I wonder. Maybe I don't wonder in the car but I guess I do wonder. I came up with a list of things I wonder about:
-Apparently this past year I've been wondering if I wonder
-I wonder how they get bridge supports secured in a river
-I wonder what those black birds with red streaks on them are that I always see along the interstate and why they like the busy interstate
-I wonder how the internet really works
-I wonder why I feel so satisfied and complete after having a good heart to heart conversation with someone
-I wonder how it is possible that this tiny life inside me already has a complete set of DNA that will determine his/her personality, interests, demeanor, and uniqueness.
-I wonder why good people experience tragedy
-I wonder what it will be like to meet Jesus someday
-I wonder if anyone actually reads this blog
-I wonder what you wonder about

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Balloon fest

This was Lincoln's Art and Balloon Festival weekend so here's some pics from the fun!

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Blow

W has conquered yet another milestone and I couldn't be more relieved or proud which may sound pretty pathetic seeing as how it's not that he's speaking in sentences or potty trained. It's just that he learned this week how to blow his nose. For six months last winter we dealt with wiping snotty nose after snotty nose until we finally found out that he has a milk allergy, needed his adenoids removed and tubes put in his ears. After that the snotty noses have subsided except for the occassional cold or when we run out of allergy medicine. But I have to tell you, this past cold/allergy bout he's had has made me almost giddy now that he can blow his nose. It's never been so fun or easy to relieve him of his drippyness. And since he thinks it's funny and likes to do it too that makes it even sweeter. It is one of those bodily functions that I totally took for granted until I had to deal with days upon days of carrying a gross wet hanky with me everywhere. No more chasing him around the house or getting him in a headlock in order to wipe his nose. He just comes right to me and after a few blows in a kleenex looks at me with a smile on his face like, "Aren't I just about the biggest boy in the world?" Now if we could just conquer that potty training thing...

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Baby brother

W and I often take walks around our neighborhood and sometimes we end up at the playground behind the elementary school across the street from our house. We have one of those jogging strollers that makes pushing a stroller really nice and the ride for W a little smoother. Well, we've developed a habit of W getting to push the stroller home from the playground. He loves to push the stroller and throws a big fit if he doesn't get to. I've learned to choose my battles so this is one battle I choose not to fight. I have often wondered what people think about seeing this little guy pushing this stroller twice his size all the way down the street with me walking in front of him leading the way. I've also wondered if people understand that I'm not making him do that, he wants to do it. Well, my suspicions were proven correct the other day and an even more ridiculous assumption was lumped with that one.
My friend Anne's husband is the custodian at that school and I often see him working so we wave and sometimes stop for small talk. Well, this summer they have been doing construction inside the school and there's been several crews of men in and out of the school working on it. Anne saw me the other day and said, "Boy do I have a story for you!" Apparently one of the construction workers said in passing to my friend the custodian, "Did you see that girl out there, making her baby brother push that big stroller?!" All my friend could do was laugh and say, "Uh, that's actually her son and she's got another one on the way!" So putting aside the ridiculous assumption that my son looks like my baby brother, I guess people really do assume that I'm making him push the stroller! Maybe that's one battle I really do need to start fighting.

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New Job

God's timing is always interesting. Two years ago I was going through the interview process with a counseling service here in town and things were looking like I had a good chance at getting the job. Right about that time the state changed their requirements for the way counseling centers can employ counselors with my level of licensure which meant more expenses for the centers. So the opportunity I had with this local group fell through because they just couldn't afford under this new system to hire someone else. It actually was ok with me because I was pregnant with W at the time and wasn't sure how much I wanted to work once he came along.
Well, less than a month ago I got a call from this same service saying they think they really are in a position to hire someone again and would like to talk more with me about the job. One thing led to another and I start in a few weeks! I was a little hesitant about adding a second day of work because with counseling it's not just two days of work. Two days of clients actually means more like three days of work. But I was too excited about the opportunity to work here in town so I decided not to pass it up.
It's a strange experience starting a new job in your current profession. Every new job I've ever had has been completely new. I've never done it before, there's training, a learning curve, etc. Of course I would be nervous about starting something completely new. But this time, I'm new to this counseling group but not new to counseling. So why do I still feel so nervous?

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Expecting

Well, baby #2 is on his/her way! We are due in January and are about 12 weeks along now. It's a relief to be through that first trimester even if it is just a number. We had been trying again for almost a year and had made the decision that we were not going to pursue fertility treatments this time around. Two months after making that decision we found out we were pregnant! I've been feeling terrible all day sickness but that's always reassuring to me that baby is developing the way he/she should be.
It's been such a strange experience this time around. In a lot of ways it feels like a first pregnancy for us. It was the first time we'd ever seen a positive pregnancy test. When we were doing treatments to get pregnant with W we couldn't do pregnancy tests because I was on so many drugs it would have shown a false positive. So it was blood tests and more blood tests and only until we saw the heartbeat did we feel like we could actually relax a little and not fear another miscarriage.
We have had a lot of fun announcing it to family and friends this week and have already begun reorganizing our house to make room for another baby. It'll be an adjustment for everyone I know but we are excited about the challenge and are eternally grateful for the opportunity to witness another miracle being born.

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Inflation

OK, so I'm a sucker for lemonade stands. I just remember sitting out there on those hot summer days hoping somebody would stop and actually buy a glass. Most of the fun of a lemonade stand was in the preparation. We'd be sitting around bored out of our minds when somebody would get the great idea to do a lemonade stand. I have to think our moms must have just dreaded those "great" ideas! We'd run around all excited gathering the card table, tablecloth, cups and lemonade pitcher. Somebody would be in charge of making signs and we'd all barter until we figured out what price to charge. Then we'd get our little chairs and sit....and wait...and sit some more. After about 15 minutes we'd get bored and decide we need more ice or cups or something, just to have something to do. And the minute we'd get our first customer, our whole day was worthwhile! 25 cents never seemed like so much money until you've earned it selling lemonade.
Well, this season I've already stopped at several stands and shelled out my quarter, smiling as I drove away knowing I don't really care so much about the lemonade as I do about making some kid's day. However, this past week I almost choked on my lemonade as I pulled up to a stand determined to do my usual good deed for the week. There was no posted price sign for the lemonade but I didn't care and as I rounded the corner of my car the kids ran to greet me with a red plastic cup smiling all the way. I nearly dropped my coin purse when I asked "How much do I owe you?" and they confidently replied, "One dollar!" "One dollar?!" I replied in shock with my jaw on the ground. I felt horrible when I saw the look of dismay on their faces and as quickly as I could said, "Wow, that's quite a bargain!" I took my cup of lemonade (only half full by the way) and fumbled around closing my coin purse and trying to open my wallet to scrounge out a dollar bill.
Now I know that gas prices have increased quite a bit over the course of the past year or so but does the same inflation rate apply to all necessary life nectars? Should I think twice before stopping at a stand from now on that doesn't have a posted price sign? Maybe business was bad that day so they thought they better up the price to make up for the lack of sales. It tasted allright but I have to admit it left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth knowing I had just shelled out a buck for 5 oz. of lemonade. I guess I shouldn't complain too much, it was pink lemonade.

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Windows

We've been working on replacing our 70 year old windows in our house slowly. I say we when I really should say hubby and my dad have been replacing them. It's pretty pricey to have someone do it professionally and since I've been blessed with a handy hubby he decided to take on the task with some help from my experienced dad. They started with the broken window in the back and just did two more on the side this past week.
It's almost scary how excited I've been over these new windows. Our previous windows were so completely useless. Only one window in our entire house actually opened all the way and we had to stick a piece of wood in it to keep it up. I've had multiple nightmares of W pulling out the stick and getting his hand chopped off from a guillotine window.
We didn't get anything fancy for our new windows. But even just the basic window is an amazing step up from what we had. I don't have to put towels in the window anymore when it rains, I can clean both sides of the glass, they open at the bottom and the top, I don't have to worry about getting my fingers pinched in rusty, stubborn storm windows, and they even have a child safety feature that doesn't allow it to open anymore than 6 inches. And they lock! We never worried about locking our previous windows because they only opened 6 inches anyway!
Aaahhh, the simple joys of home ownership. Now if the weather would just cool down so I could actually open them...

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Vacation

It has been too long since my last post but June is always mad for us and we squeezed in a vacation to Indy so that's my excuse! We had a great time in Indy, met up with our friends for some relaxing time at a lake house, went to the zoo, and the children's museum. W got to pet a shark and an elephant so it was a trip full of new experiences. The pics above are of W exploring at the museum, taking a train ride at the zoo, and fishing at the lake house. Just some hi-lites.

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Our little banker

I came into the living room the other day to see W exploring in my wallet. He's only 19 months and he's already robbing us blind!

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BCPCC

No my keyboard isn't stuck. BCPCC stands for Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor. It's a credential issued by the International Board of Christian Counselors I applied for over a month ago and just received my approval certificate today! It's basically just a credential that will enrich my counseling validity and provide a Christian based backing for my standing as a counselor. My state license does this but I wanted something Christ based in addition to my secular license. I ordered the application back in January and when the ginormous packet arrived I was so intimidated I let it sit for about two months.
Then when I began filling it out the nature of the questions were so broad I let it sit for another two months. I just didn't know how I was supposed to answer questions like "What's your view on the Holy Spirit?" in fifty words or less. I told myself I'd get it in by June and I think I actually sent it off mid April. I was beginning to wonder if I was going to get rejected and was starting to think it was a waste of my time and money. So I was very excited when I got my certificate in the mail and knew that I wanted to share the news and celebrate with you!

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Abiding Hope

It's a go. Today I sent out letters to fifty area churches inviting them to refer women experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss to a new group I'm starting at my church. I have been considering this idea since before W was born. I wished there was something like this for me to attend when we were wrestling with our own infertility and miscarriage. I never felt prepared or stable enough to start a group of my own the first time around but now that we're facing it all again the journey is different and I want to provide a place for women to process their pain.
So the past few months I've been researching the possibility of starting a group in our community and when I talked to my church about hosting it they were supportive and encouraged me to go for it. I have no idea what to expect so my expectations are very low. Maybe my "group" will end up consisting of me and one other person but I'm ok with that. Maybe my group will end up being twenty people but I really sort of hope that there aren't that many women experiencing this.
The name of the group is called, "Abiding Hope." I chose that name because I love the definition of the word "abiding." One dictionary defines it this way, "abiding is continuing without change; enduring; steadfast." Women experiencing infertility need a hope that can continue, endure and remain steadfast and this is exactly what I hope to offer through this group.
The scariest part of all of this is that I'm going to be giving my testimony in front of church to invite people to be a part of the group. I'm such a baby when it comes to public speaking. So here's a few requests:
1. Pray for me and my group
2. If you know of someone in my area experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss and you think they could benefit from the group, please give them my info.
3. Got any tips to calm my nerves about the public speaking thing?

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Zzzzzz's

I'm tired today. I had one of those sleepless nights last night. You know the kind...where you lay there tossing and turning thinking, "why can't I turn my mind off?" I usually lay there for about an hour thinking, "surely, soon I'll fall asleep." But then I stumble out to the couch hoping some reading will calm my nerves and lure me into the land of Zzzz's.
Last night the burden on my brain was just an overscheduled calendar. May and June are always really busy and for some reason I usually get more stress from the anticipation of it than the actual journey through it. But last night God quieted me with a truth I often forget.
I was reading the story of Deborah in Judges and how she led her people to victory over their oppressors. When her army commander hesitates and seems cowardly she says, "Has not the Lord gone ahead of you?" Those words were what finally brought me sleep. I realized that God is already in June. He's in the busyness preparing the way and there's no reason for me to fear. I can find freedom and peace knowing the victory is already mine!

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All done

One of W's most loved hand signs is "all done". He shakes his hands at mealtime, bathtime, diaper changing time...basically anytime he wants to get out of what we want him to do. I've never been so glad something was "all done" until yesterday after W's surgery. We had to be at the hospital at 5:45 am so we had to leave our house at 5 am. I was up at 2:30 and couldn't get back to sleep because I was so anxious about the day. I know it's just a routine procedure but the thought of someone hurting my baby is just not ok. It doesn't help matters when the doctors, to cover their own malpractice butts I know, explain every possible risk or side effect the surgery could have (even down to the fact that he could have a chipped tooth from where they enter the mouth to remove the adenoid).
However, our routine procedure was exactly that with no complications and we were home with W resting by 10:30 am. The doc said he had quite a bit of fluid in one ear and the adenoid was very enlarged so he thought this would really help him feel better. By today he's been running around like any normal toddler and you'd never know he had surgery yesterday.
I was surprised by a few things yesterday:
Surprised at how nervous I was! I knew I'd be a little anxious about it but wasn't expecting the stomach-churning, can't sleep, can't concentrate nervousness.
Surprised at how ferocious I felt towards the people who wanted to hurt him. Logically I knew they were helping him but my instinct was to tear their throats out when they wanted to take him from me. Don't worry, I controlled myself...mostly.
Surprised at how hard it was for me to trust God that He would take care of my baby. Apparently I have some work to do here.
Surprised at how cute he looked in a hospital gown. I obviously hope I never have to see him in one again, but I had to capture the memory! I don't know why the photo is sideways and can't figure out how to make it upright. If you know, clue me in.

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Hats

Not only does W hate to wear hats and pull them off as soon as I put them on, he apparently doesn't like others to wear them either as evident in this pic of our friends Gunnar and Mike.

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Christian Women's Conference

Ever been caught off guard by what God does in your life? I had one of those moments this past Wednesday. I had signed up to go to the Women's conference LCC puts on mostly because I recognized two of the speakers (Kendra Smiley and Kay Moll). I hate to admit that I had zero expectations for the day. I just wasn't convinced that I was really going to get that much out of it. I know that sounds terrible. One of the other speakers, Priscilla Shirer, reminded us that it was not at all a coincidence that we were there and that God had a very specific message he wanted to get across to us. I'm ashamed to say that I had never even entertained the thought and began to wonder, "OK then, what, God?"
I wish I could say that God had some amazing, life-altering message for me that I heard audibly as I soaked in the word from these wise women. It was more like God reminded me to get back to the basics. Wondering what God's will is? What better way to know that than through studying His word and praying? Allowing fear to creep in and inhibit you from doing God's will? Remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" Spending too much time wishing things were different in life? Enjoy each day because you never know what new challenges the next season of life will bring for you.
I've noticed that I have a changed mindset this week and I find myself more likely to pray about things than worry about things. I've been more likely to want to read His Word than do it out of duty. I've been allowing myself to enjoy each moment of the day rather than hurry through my to-do list. Maybe none of that is supreme revelation...but then again, maybe it is.

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Tubes it is

We had W's follow up appointment today and it looks like we'll have to go ahead with the ear tubes. They want to also take his adenoids out while he's "under" and draw blood for some allergy testing. I know it is probably the best thing and everyone tells me it will make such a difference for him but I'm still having a hard time thinking of my baby going through surgery. Gulp.

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Ketchup

This picture of course doesn't do the real scene justice but this has been one W's latest interests: smearing whatever is on his plate in his hair. It all started with his passionate love for ketchup. He loves it so much that sometimes he'll just use his spoon to eat it, no dipping needed. Even if he does dip food in it he usually just ends up sucking the ketchup off the food of choice and starting all over again. Well, somehow he got the idea that smearing it in his hair was a good idea and, much to my chagrin, our laughter and photo taking just reinforced the dreaded pattern. So when you see him around with sickeningly greasy hair, please don't assume he hasn't had a bath in weeks, he probably just had potato chips for lunch.

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1st Easter Egg Hunt

I couldn't believe how quickly he caught on! We didn't even really have to teach him. We just handed him the easter basket and he knew exactly what to do. It was so cute!

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Annual Banquet

Reunions are such an odd phenomenon. This past weekend we had the privilege of reuniting with old friends from college during our campus ministry's annual banquet. This year they specifically invited students who attended EIU between the years 1995-1999 for an appetizer reception before the banquet. It was so great to get see old faces and catch up with people who I haven't really talked to much in the past 7 years.
But I couldn't help but feel just a little bit cheated by the end of the night. Maybe it's just my obsessive need to know details of other's lives but I just didn't feel satisfied in the conversations I had. I loved getting to celebrate the major events: graduate degrees, new homes, new jobs, new marriages, new babies. I loved getting to meet new spouses and new children. I loved hearing about the different places life has scattered my friends to. But 7 years is a long time. And in 7 years time I know that not only good things have happened. Life has happened. Losses have happened. Sometimes even grief and despair has happened. But that's not what gets talked about at reunions.
I think reunions should actually be at least a two or three day affair. The first day is the happy day, full of celebrating and rejoicing and sharing the great things that we've missed out on in each other's lives. It's the day we can say, "Wow, you haven't changed a bit!" The second day we get down to the nitty gritty and find out the ins and outs of each other's daily lives. We get to share what obstacles we've encountered, what trials we've faced, what burdens we've bore. Because after all, isn't it those experiences that truly shape and form who we are? It's the day we say to each other, "Wow, you have really changed and I'm sorry you had to go through that stuff." The third day though, is the day of closure. It's the day we can enjoy memories of the "olden days." It's the day we can laugh over silly stories and truly feel connected to the new, changed, improved people around us. It's the day we can be authentic and real and able to appreciate each other. It's the day we can say, "Wow, you have really changed, and yet you haven't changed a bit."
I guess realistically I know this won't happen quite that way until the Ultimate Reunion in Heaven. So until then I'll quench my thirst for more details and settle for celebrating the major milestones every 7 years.

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Update

Well, we did see the ENT for W this week and thankfully it looks like "we can fix it!" I was a little concerned they would tell us we were crazy when we got there because of course three days before our appt. W started getting better. His cough went away, his runny nose stopped but since that's been the pattern this winter (he'll get better for a few days and then get sick again) we decided to keep our appointment.

They said he has "middle ear glue" behind his ear drum and even though it's not infected it just is too thick to drain which is why he keeps getting sick. So they put him on one more round of meds and if this doesn't work we'll try tubes. They were concerned that he's only saying 5-6 words and think that's probably because he's not hearing normally. So hopefully if they can drain his ears he'll hear better which will aid his speech development. W tends to often ignore me when I speak to him so I'm enjoying getting to use the excuse that he's probably just not hearing me. But alas, deep down I know he's just being a typical stubborn little toddler!

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Here I go again...

OK, bear with me. I know you may not be interested in my political rantings but I guess you don't have to continue reading if you're irritated by this kind of stuff. It has come to my attention that the USCIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services) published a Notice of Proposed Rule Making in the Federal Register that would substantially raise adoption/immigration filing fees for most types of cases. If the proposed rule is adopted, filing fees would increase by an average of 66% over current fees. The proposed rule is subject to a 60-day comment period that ends on April 2, 2007. At the end of the comment period, USCIS will review and consider the comments it has received on its proposed rule. USCIS will then send its final proposal to the Office of Management and Budget for review. The OMB will make a final decision on the fee increase and issue the final rule.

Adoption is expensive enough already, and it is unconscionable to raise fees by up to 66% for adoption-related petitions. This can be fought, but it needs action by everyone. Fortunately, the "adjusted" fees will not take effect until the public has an opportunity to comment. The comment period is 60 days beginning February 1, 2007, and ending on April 2, 2007. That means we have less than a week to voice our objections.

Comments must be received by April 2, 2007, and must reference the agency name (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services), as well as the docket number (USCIS-2006-0044). Comments may be submitted at http://www.regulations.gov/fdmspublic/component/main, the Federal Rulemaking Portal, or via mail or courier, in hardcopy, disk, or CD-ROM form to:

Director, Management Division U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services

Department of Homeland Security

111 Massachusetts Avenue, NW, 3rd Floor

Washington D.C. 20529

Please consider supporting families and children by objecting to this proposal. If you are wondering why I feel so strongly about this issue please see my previous posts: Angel Baby, Adoption.

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I just had to post this pic of W and his friend. W is about 9 months younger than his friend and I think he's really beginning to look up to the older kids in his life. They stay with my friend on Wednesday evenings while hubby and I lead high school small groups at church. They are starting to become good buddies and I just thought this captured their relationship pretty well!

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Hearts at Home

I went to a conference last Friday called Hearts at Home. It was a really nice day for these reasons:

• the car ride up and back with my friend E
• spending all day with my sis and getting her undivided attention (i'm still the baby, ok?) (by the way, check out her new business venture)
• crying through the first song (they really shouldn't make you cry within the first 15 min. of the day)
• laughing my head off during our first workshop. The speaker was hysterical
• learning that no matter what I deal with as a mom, some other mom has been there, done that and can often provide encouragement for the journey.

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Nebulizer Nuisance

Well, we have finally surrendered to the antiobiotic gods and realized our struggle is futile. At our last trip to the Dr. he looked at W's chart and said, "Ya know, we've been battling this same ear/sinus infection since September. I think it's time to take him to an Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist." They were the words I've been expecting to hear for over a month but my stomach still fell when he said them. Seeing the problems my 7 year old niece has had makes me pretty scared of starting this journey. She's had several surgeries related to her sinuses over the years and each one seems to help for a little while but she always ends up with another infection about 6 months later. I fear that our journey will follow hers.
Of course we can't get in to see an ENT until the end of March so that leaves us with a sneezy, coughing, snotty boy until then. They had us buy this nebulizer machine to give him breathing treatments 3 times a day. He's been tolerating them pretty well but seems to be tiring of them the past couple times. It's hard to get a little boy who has lots to do and is very busy to sit still for 10 minutes at a time unless he's occupied by the television. I'm not a fan of letting him watch very much TV but thank goodness for The Wiggles and Bob the Builder. I looked up the bio on our ENT (we didn't get to choose of course thanks to our lovely insurance). He looks nice enough but I'm hoping when I ask him in typical Bob fashion "Can we fix it?" he replies, "YES WE CAN!"

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Embarrassing moment

I've been driving for the past couple weeks with a rather embarrassing exhaust system problem. It wasn't outrageously loud but enough to make me want to sit a little lower in my seat so as not to be seen. We've been so busy lately that it was one of those tasks that just got put on the "we'll get to it soon" priority list.

Well, yesterday it became a "we'll get to it today" problem. I was out of town, of course, because all car problems happen when you're out of town. All of a sudden it sounded like the engine of my car had fallen out and was dragging behind. If you've ever been to a tractor pull competition it sounded akin to that although I think my car might have been even louder than that. Gas fumes began pouring in through the vents and I wisely figured it probably wasn't such a good idea to continue driving.

Luckily, hubby was able to leave work to come rescue me. Fortunately, the engine had not dropped from the car, but the exhaust system had come disconnected where it meets the engine so he was able to wire it up so it wouldn't fall off and drive it home with me following behind in the other car (which by the way also has muffler issues and a host of other issues but maybe I'll save that for my next blog. We refer to that car as our ghetto car.) Hooray for hubbies who are willing to sacrifice their hearing for their wives!

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Fame

I had a unique opportunity today which was very exciting. Lincoln Christian Seminary presented Diane Langberg as their Lectureship Speaker. I know most people have never heard of her but she is a fairly well known author and speaker in the Christian Counseling world. It was an honor just to get to hear her speak but I happen to have a connection that enabled me to eat lunch with her before her noon Q&A session. Just me, my friend Cindy and Diane. It was very cool.

It's strange when you have read so much of someone's material that when you meet them you feel like you know them and know their heart but they haven't a clue who you are! She's probably the most "famous" person I've ever met and I found myself stumbling over words and feeling like a big idiot. Thank goodness she's a very patient and gracious person. Interesting isn't it, how worked up we can get over just a normal person. Anyway, it was a really neat experience and one that taught me that God can use ordinary people to do extraordinary things.

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Blizzard!

It might be the most snow I've ever seen around here! This pic is of our 130 lb. labrador in our back yard. Keep in mind, he's about as big as a horse, so this really was a ton of snow. The drifts were at least 4 ft. tall in some places and I heard reports of drifts as tall as 8 ft. Such a fierce display of God's majesty made me very thankful I have a warm home to hide in.

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Exercise rut

I have found myself in the exercise rut I get in every winter. When it's warm out I like to walk and jog outside. I did that a lot this past summer mostly because it was something to do with W and he loves riding in his stroller. So when we were bored with our inside toys we'd walk, and walk and walk some more. Come October/November it starts getting a little breezy and colder so we don't get out as much. But I still make a conscious effort to do something whether it's lifting free weights, doing some yoga stretches, or forcing myself to take a brisk walk around the block with my dog. I do pretty good with that until either the first snowfall or the first sickness. Since this winter has actually been pretty well characterized by both, I don't even remember the last time I exercised. Which lands me in a vicious cycle I like to call the exercise rut. I have energy and feel good when I exercise regularly and when I don't exercise regularly I have little energy and no motivation. So when I'm not exercising regularly I'm very unmotivated to begin exercising again after having not for a while. See my dilemma?
So I was excited this year when our church announced they were starting this walk to Jerusalem program. They are hoping as a church body we can walk some 6,000 miles (the distance from here to Jerusalem) before Easter. I thought this would be my chance to get back on track. I thought having my name posted on our fellowship center wall with my progress would motivate me and be good accountability. But it's not making a bit of difference. My goal was to get up at 5:30 three days a week to lift freeweights or take a walk even if it's cold. But my bed is oh so warm at 5:30 in the morning and it's way too easy to reach over and turn the alarm off. I tried lifting freeweights later in the day but W was way too interested in what I was doing and I accidentally bonked him in the head with one of my weights. I'm sick again too which rules out the possibility of walking outside in this frigid weather. Apparently I'm not nearly as disciplined as I once thought I was! Any suggestions?

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Church Prison

I am so frazzled right now that I just have to write about this experience I just had. As a counselor, the State requires several things of me in order for me to be able to keep my license. One of those things is that I receive supervision by a more experienced, higher licensed counselor. I meet with a counselor who uses an office in a local church here. She has warned me several times about the custodian at the church who tends to treat people poorly and that I need to be sure to check in at the office downstairs so as to avoid his wrath.
Well, guess who I ran into today on my way to check in at the office...Cut-Throat Custodian. I was aghast at how rudely I was questioned and interrogated. Now tell me honestly, do I really give the first impression that I'm someone who would rape and pillage a church during broad daylight while there are several staff members working throughout the building?
There are two things that make me very sad about this situation.
First, if I was a nervous and hesitant client coming for my first counseling session I would have bolted at the first sign of conflict from Cut-Throat Custodian. It takes some people months to work up the courage just to schedule an appointment with a counselor so encountering this on a first visit wouldn't exactly lend itself itself to being the first healing step on a long road to recovery.
Second, and possibly most important, is this what our world has come to? Don't we want churches to be a safe place for people to explore their journey to God? What if I had been an unchurched person experiencing this as my first church experience? What kind of impression would that have left on me? I understand the need to guard against vandalism, abuse of property, etc...but do we really have to treat our churches like they are prisons in order to accomplish God's will?
After my supervisor had vouched for my good intentions and I was released, I gathered up what ego strength I had left after being treated like some kind of criminal. She informed me that our Cut-Throat Custodian friend has only been at the church for a few months. Guess where his previous career was. The Prison.

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Trust

After W was born, hubby and I thought it would be a good idea to write a Will in case something were to ever happen to us. I thought it would be just a matter of seeing a lawyer to sign a document and we'd be done. A year and a half later we're still working on it! Our attorney recommended drawing up an entire Trust because it makes things a lot easier on everyone, especially W's guardians if we were to die. It has been a huge headache of a process but I think we're almost done so I feel this tremendous burden being lifted.
I think the weirdest part of all this has been being to forced to consider our mortality. It was depressing at times to think about what W's life would be like if we weren't around. It got to the point sometimes when I felt like I was planning on him being an orphan. I'd have to take a step back and realize, "OK, we're still alive, W is still living with us, and everything is still fine!" Setting up our Trust has been an unexpected lesson in trust for me. Learning to trust that God is the ultimate Father and in the event that we weren't around to parent W, he'd be completely safe and provided for in God's hands wasn't an easy lesson. But I guess this demonstrates that God has a way of using our fears to draw us to Him in new and surprising ways.

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Sledding

I don't even remember the last time I went sledding on a real hill. I think I was probably in high school. We took W out to my friend Nina's who lives in the country and has a great sledding hill on their property. It was perfect for his first time. Not too steep, not too huge and no other crazy kiddies to contend with. He wasn't so sure about it at first (cried when we put him on the saucer) but soon reacted with his typical W way, which for those of you who know him, is no reaction at all. I think he smiled briefly which in W terms means he was having a blast.

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Rocky style

Speaking of Rocky style, Corb, you may think we're taking this whole Rocky Balboa thing a little too seriously by the looks of this photo.

But alas, W is not training for his first fight, he is recovering from a nasty burn from his vaporizer. It was definitely not one of my proudest parenting moments. We turned our backs for two seconds which was about two seconds long enough for W to touch the steam and immediately start howling. Two hours of crying later he finally fell asleep and actually slept through the night. Our nurse friends recommended taking him to a doctor if it blistered and by Saturday morning, boy had it blistered.

Since it was Saturday we went to UrgentCare thinking it might be cheaper than the ER. We waited in the waiting room for an hour and half, get in the exam room, the nurse takes one look and says, "Oh, we're going to have to send you over to the ER. We don't deal with burns on the palm of the hand." Grrr....that would have been nice to know when I called UrgentCare and asked if they would see my son because of the burn on his hand before waiting an hour and a half! So we went to the ER where they looked at it, wrapped it with gauze and sent us home. Remind me again why it was so important that we go to the ER? Anyway, two lessons learned:

1. Never use a vaporizer again

2. Unless it's a third degree burn it can wait til the doctor's office opens on Monday.

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Evidence of God

My job has never been as secure as I'd like it to be. I work for a non-profit counseling agency that is fairly new and expanding faster than we can keep up with. We're never really sure from year to year if our budget will be met which forces us to depend continually on God to provide. Well, He has provided yet again. Due to changing state licensure laws our center is being forced to change to an employment status which places a large financial burden on the center. Our 2007 budget was $20,000 short as of a month ago. Then an anonymous donor came forward and offered to give a $10,000 matching donation on anything donated before the end of 2006. I just got word a few hours ago from our office manager that we received $10,155 which means our budget will be met! I had just been praying this morning that God would protect my job there and allow me to continue through the year. It is times like this that prove to me that God really is in control. Why do I worry? How exciting it is to get to see evidence of God in ways like this.

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