Things I learned

I have finally had enough time to breathe and relax after my Conference a couple weeks ago and thought I would share some of the lessons I absorbed:

-Love is a condition of the heart. We hear so much that love is an action and that we need to try to love others. H.B. London challenged me to go beyond trying and allow God to change my heart to be so full of His love that loving becomes a natural extension of what I do. Even to those prickly people that are hard to love.

-Know your moment of death story but also know your resurrection story. Dan Allender said that most everyone has a moment of death in life. It is the moment at which you've lost all hope and struggle to come to grips with the reason for living. It is that moment in our lives that gets us interested in counseling, ministry, etc. It is that moment that helps us identify with our clients. But it is our moment of resurrection that keeps us in counseling. It is the moment you surrender to Jesus and experience new life and true hope that provides hope for your clients and strength to continue on the journey. Although being able to identify with your clients in their moment of death is important, you must help them experience their moment of resurrection for true healing to occur.

-Our culture stinks at allowing people to lament after a loss. The accepted grieving period in other religions and cultures can last for years but in our churches we are extremely uncomfortable with that. "Shouldn't they be moving on by now?" We want to see people back up on their feet with smiling faces after a few months because we don't know how to deal with grief, anger, and despair. True healing comes when one feels totally free to lament as long as they need.

-Everyone receives apologies differently. Most people are familiar with Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages but at this conference he outlined his new book about the five languages of apology. I don't remember what they all were but I know for myself, while it's nice to hear the words "I'm sorry," what I really want to hear is regret and true remorse for how I've been hurt. When I hear something like, "I know how much I must have hurt you..." I melt pretty quickly and forgiveness isn't too far away.

-It's unfair what we do to children in our world. From child prostitution/slavery to sexual abuse to expecting them to understand and respond appropriately to their parent's divorce. I can't imagine how much God grieves everyday over what these innocents are exposed to. I attended a workshop that got me more interested in trying a little play therapy with some of my clients. Gary Landreth says children under age 12 can't express their thoughts and feelings verbally so they express it through their play. Part of me is terrified to even consider handling these fragile little lives but part of me can't think of any better way to show love to children whose innocence has been shattered.

Anyway, just some thoughts...