Beautiful Nightmare

>> Friday, April 22, 2011

There are some moments in life when one becomes frighteningly aware of how fiercely they love another person(s). I had one of those moments at 5:57 am this morning.

Last night Hubby and I watched Unstoppable, a great Denzel flick never lacking for suspense. When I went to bed my adrenaline was still pumping so I should have expected an interesting night.

I have no idea what time I started dreaming. I know they say you actually only dream for minutes or even seconds but it felt like my dream went on for an eternity.

I will spare the awful details of the nightmare but basically it all culminated in Stacy and I searching for two days straight in the wreckage of a building for our children. Yeah, it was horrifying.

We hadn't eaten, slept or had medical attention for our own cuts and bruises. Finally we found some kind of elevator that allowed us to get up to the fifth floor where we knew our children were. I got to L first but she didn't recognize me, was delirious, seeing things, having not eaten or slept herself for two days.

Stacy disappeared to continue looking for W. I scooped L up in my arms with tremendous relief and yet still agonizing fear of not having yet found W. At the same moment that I scooped her in my arms I woke up.

5:57 am. My pillow was wet from having cried in my sleep. At the same time that I felt relief in knowing it was just a dream, I tried instinctively to get back into the dream so I could find W. I couldn't sleep again, thank God, and although I knew Hubby's alarm would go off in three minutes I couldn't bear being alone in my surreal state so I woke him.

I sobbed as I recounted the dream to him and he gently shushed me and held me to comfort me back into reality.

It was in that moment that I realized how fiercely I love my children. Even though it was just a dream, I knew without a doubt that I absolutely would claw through burning wreckage to find my kids.

That I absolutely would go without food or water or sleep for days to get to them.

That I absolutely would enter that garish nightmare again if it meant I could find them and bring them to safety.

There are days when I wrongly take my children for granted. I tire of their incessant demands. I battle their disobedient ways. I forget how fantastic they are.

Today was not one of those days.

The beauty of my nightmare was realized today at 5:57 am and with a cloud lurking over my day, I lived today in an awareness that these precious lives have totally redefined my concept of love.



I have these great memories from my childhood of going to see the Gamma Phi Circus with my family. I was a young inexperienced gymnast totally enthralled by the amazing feats these performers/college kids could master (And just slightly freaked out by the clowns. OK, REALLY freaked out by the clowns.)

So ever since W was a baby I've been itching to take him but knew he wouldn't fully appreciate it until he was older. This was the first year I thought both kids could handle sitting still for that long (I might have been a bit optimistic with L yet.)

The show definitely did not disappoint and they have added so much cool stuff since I saw it some 25 years ago. Oh sheesh, that's a quarter of a century. Sigh...

W was totally captivated by every part. During one act when one of the girls was riding a unicycle across a tight wire he covered his eyes and said "I CAN'T WATCH!!" How does a five year old know to cover his eyes during an intensely suspenseful act?

He was clearly not listening though when the announcer warned children not to try these acts at home. That was the first thing he wanted to do with Daddy when he got home was to try out all the new tricks he had seen. Or maybe it was more Daddy who hadn't listened!

L was surprisingly attentive too. Except for about the last hour. Two and a half hours is a long time for even me to sit in one place! After the first act, a trampoline act, she got down from her seat and wanted to know when it was her turn to go down and give it a try.

We had a great time and are looking forward to trying it again in a couple years--maybe by then we'll have a gymnast or two of our own!


This is just awesome...

>> Friday, April 15, 2011

This web site has a constant, live video feed of an eagle nest in Decorah, Iowa - complete with adult and baby eagles.

Live TV : Ustream


There are just some days...

>> Thursday, April 14, 2011


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