Beautiful Nightmare

>> Friday, April 22, 2011

There are some moments in life when one becomes frighteningly aware of how fiercely they love another person(s). I had one of those moments at 5:57 am this morning.

Last night Hubby and I watched Unstoppable, a great Denzel flick never lacking for suspense. When I went to bed my adrenaline was still pumping so I should have expected an interesting night.

I have no idea what time I started dreaming. I know they say you actually only dream for minutes or even seconds but it felt like my dream went on for an eternity.

I will spare the awful details of the nightmare but basically it all culminated in Stacy and I searching for two days straight in the wreckage of a building for our children. Yeah, it was horrifying.

We hadn't eaten, slept or had medical attention for our own cuts and bruises. Finally we found some kind of elevator that allowed us to get up to the fifth floor where we knew our children were. I got to L first but she didn't recognize me, was delirious, seeing things, having not eaten or slept herself for two days.

Stacy disappeared to continue looking for W. I scooped L up in my arms with tremendous relief and yet still agonizing fear of not having yet found W. At the same moment that I scooped her in my arms I woke up.

5:57 am. My pillow was wet from having cried in my sleep. At the same time that I felt relief in knowing it was just a dream, I tried instinctively to get back into the dream so I could find W. I couldn't sleep again, thank God, and although I knew Hubby's alarm would go off in three minutes I couldn't bear being alone in my surreal state so I woke him.

I sobbed as I recounted the dream to him and he gently shushed me and held me to comfort me back into reality.

It was in that moment that I realized how fiercely I love my children. Even though it was just a dream, I knew without a doubt that I absolutely would claw through burning wreckage to find my kids.

That I absolutely would go without food or water or sleep for days to get to them.

That I absolutely would enter that garish nightmare again if it meant I could find them and bring them to safety.

There are days when I wrongly take my children for granted. I tire of their incessant demands. I battle their disobedient ways. I forget how fantastic they are.

Today was not one of those days.

The beauty of my nightmare was realized today at 5:57 am and with a cloud lurking over my day, I lived today in an awareness that these precious lives have totally redefined my concept of love.


The Zabikows 7:03 PM  

Beautiful, indeed.

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